Wednesday, December 25, 2013 (Wow, you wrote this almost 5 years ago) Time to pick a new colour! Great choices btw, past me’s. My favourite colour is green though, so green it shall be. And it’s 2020, so 7 years ago now.
Dear Me (In The Future) Hey there, Me (From The Past), Hi again! Didn’t expect to reply to the letter twice. Maybe I’ll write a new one this time for Future Future Me to reply.
How's everything going? I'm doing okay, I guess. Not amazing, but okay. I’m supposed to be studying for my Microbiology finals right now, but my procrastination problem has gotten from bad to worse. Tried and tested, I can spend absolute days and weeks doing nothing productive at all. Depending on when you're reading this, how's school/work? I'm actually kinda in-between right now. Just stopped working part-time at a pet shop (Lavish) and will be starting school at NTU (biological sciences) very soon. Aye - already said it. If you're still in SST, jiayou for 'O's! Haha, I'm not, but I did pretty well for 'O's, so I'm glad I didn't disappoint you. If you're in JC/poly/pre-university/university, did you get into my dream school? I gotta admit, I don't think I went to the JC you wanted me to go to, but oh well. And we didn't really have a dream university, did we? So NTU is pretty cool. And if you already have a job, congratulations! Not there yet hahaha. I’m gonna be starting my 6 month internship soon! And it won’t really be a 9-5 job, and I’ll get to meet new people a lot. Looking forward to that. I really wonder what job you have now. Is it giving you freedom? I don't know about you, but I hate being tied down (Same), and I promised myself to never to get a nine to five office job. You might have broken that promise. I sorta did, through my JTC internship, but that was fun (the people are cool). Or maybe you're unemployed. Don't despair, alright?
I just want to say... Don't give up. No matter what life throws at you. Wow, inspirational. Sorry, kidding. Oh, we would have never imagined this. A fucking pandemic, cancelling my plans to go on exchange studies. And I had a confirmed placement then as well. Do you still believe that whatever happens, it's supposed to happen and you should just be happy because happiness is a choice? I forgot about that mentality of yours. Now that I'm older, there are more choices to make that create greater impacts on my life overall, and I feel that sometimes the wrong choices I made really do hurt me. Hey that’s some advice I should take to heart, though it’s tough when I’m behind on all my assignments and I’m tired all the time. Something happened to me today. I realised that I simply cannot be happy if someone I care about is not. Unfortunately, I stopped caring so deeply about others a long time ago. So I hope you are making others, and yourself, happy. Girl, I don't have that kind of superpower. I've changed since then. I've changed a lot. <- Wow, dramatic much. Yeah, I’m doing things that make me happy, though I still do compare myself with others a lot with is incredibly annoying and damaging. It’s better now than last time though.
How's everything going? I'm doing okay, I guess. Not amazing, but okay. I’m supposed to be studying for my Microbiology finals right now, but my procrastination problem has gotten from bad to worse. Tried and tested, I can spend absolute days and weeks doing nothing productive at all. Depending on when you're reading this, how's school/work? I'm actually kinda in-between right now. Just stopped working part-time at a pet shop (Lavish) and will be starting school at NTU (biological sciences) very soon. Aye - already said it. If you're still in SST, jiayou for 'O's! Haha, I'm not, but I did pretty well for 'O's, so I'm glad I didn't disappoint you. If you're in JC/poly/pre-university/university, did you get into my dream school? I gotta admit, I don't think I went to the JC you wanted me to go to, but oh well. And we didn't really have a dream university, did we? So NTU is pretty cool. And if you already have a job, congratulations! Not there yet hahaha. I’m gonna be starting my 6 month internship soon! And it won’t really be a 9-5 job, and I’ll get to meet new people a lot. Looking forward to that. I really wonder what job you have now. Is it giving you freedom? I don't know about you, but I hate being tied down (Same), and I promised myself to never to get a nine to five office job. You might have broken that promise. I sorta did, through my JTC internship, but that was fun (the people are cool). Or maybe you're unemployed. Don't despair, alright?
I just want to say... Don't give up. No matter what life throws at you. Wow, inspirational. Sorry, kidding. Oh, we would have never imagined this. A fucking pandemic, cancelling my plans to go on exchange studies. And I had a confirmed placement then as well. Do you still believe that whatever happens, it's supposed to happen and you should just be happy because happiness is a choice? I forgot about that mentality of yours. Now that I'm older, there are more choices to make that create greater impacts on my life overall, and I feel that sometimes the wrong choices I made really do hurt me. Hey that’s some advice I should take to heart, though it’s tough when I’m behind on all my assignments and I’m tired all the time. Something happened to me today. I realised that I simply cannot be happy if someone I care about is not. Unfortunately, I stopped caring so deeply about others a long time ago. So I hope you are making others, and yourself, happy. Girl, I don't have that kind of superpower. I've changed since then. I've changed a lot. <- Wow, dramatic much. Yeah, I’m doing things that make me happy, though I still do compare myself with others a lot with is incredibly annoying and damaging. It’s better now than last time though.
Don't do it at the expense of your own feelings though. Be a little selfish. I am. But not too selfish. Ah damn. Don't lie at all though. Be honest to yourself and others. There's literally nothing to lie about to nobody... Okay maybe there's somebody. But you won't get it. I think I know who you’re talking about, but we’ve done the thing where we move on completely. I’m learning to be myself. I promise, it's important. I can't remember what incident made you write this letter, where you lied to someone and created a mess, but it probably ended badly so I understand why you're like this. Don't worry about it anymore. I hope you aren't laughing at your childish 14 year old self. I feel very old at the moment, you know? JK. Naw fam, sometimes I feel that you're more introspective than me right now, and I wonder when I stopped thinking and reflecting. And thus we’ve started again! I’m more introspective than ever - the problem now is putting my words into actions (this is always the problem). But still... I believe you're a better person than I am now. I think we're still the same, but now I keep to myself more, and my self-esteem has dropped, like, a lot. I’ve grown a lot, but we were always good enough. Sorry for telling you useless/lame/obvious information. Are you ridiculing me now? I would if I were you. This is quite silly, isn't it? It's not, I promise. I'm glad you wrote this letter. Now I know that all these are hedgers, Past Me. You’re so afraid of judgement that you judge yourself first, so that if anyone else judges you, you can show them that you agree with them that you’re cringey. But like honestly, at this point, I don’t care anymore. If I’m gonna be judged, let it be. I don’t exist to please the world.
Do you have friends? HAHA. Good question. Yes, but I'm horrible at maintaining friendships so most of them I don't talk to all the time. Well I’m glad to announce that my friendship skills are much much better now!! I’ve worked hard to try to be a better friend to those I care about. Are mum and dad still with you? Yup, but I want to stop relying on them. I hope they don't take that the wrong way. Yup, but our godfather recently passed away last week. Death is gonna be a recurring theme in the next few years I think. I’ll be okay, but if I’m not, that’s okay too. Do you still have the memories that I want to keep? ... I don't know. But I really hope so. I suppose I do! But the past is the past, and the present is what matters most! I hope the answers to all those questions are yes. GDI you're good at this. Here’s me letting you know that it’s okay if not all the answers are yes. My priorities are not the same as they were for you. Believe in yourself... Believe in that special someone, if you have one. Yes, and we’ve been together for 2 years, it’s been fun. Be yourself. Be happy. I think I've forgotten how, but I'll try. Aiya why so sad, everything gets better eventually and I’m proof of that.
Yours sincerely
Me (Now)
Dear Future Future Me Hi!
I guess I’ve gotta start with the customary: how are you? I’m good. I’ve just read everything above, and I’ve gotta say, nothing much has really changed regarding the procrastinating.. only maybe its gotten worse? I used to at least try my very very best to make deadlines, but now I can’t even do that. I submitted an assignment just over an hour ago at 11:59pm but only complete 60% of it. I’ll probably cop the late penalty and submit another. I wonder if you’ll even reply to this letter. You probably will, but I hope you can wait at least a few more years before replying yeah, otherwise it’s gonna be really meaningless. Hmm, yeah it is now 11 years after my initial letter, so that’s 4 years after this one? How is Ryan? Are y’all still having a good life together? We’ve ended things between us; we’re across the world from each other too. How about Dwagon and Phwoenix? Where are they staying now, if they’re still around? They’re with Ryan’s parents, along with Gwiffin and Myth. I miss them every day. I have to rehome Gwiffin and Myth though. How is our family? Alive. Kaima has been diagnosed with Parkinson’s and arthritis, but she now has a live-in helper to to take care of her. How are our finances? Could be better, could be worse. What do you want the most right now? <- This question you confirm don’t know how to answer one, but I think it’s important so figure it out and work towards it at a comfortable pace - you’re old already! Cannot chiong everything like last time. I guess I just want to graduate and finally start working. Be independent of my family’s funding.
I’m learning what I need to value and putting my time and effort towards those things - hopefully I set you up well for a passable life. Honestly, past me, I genuinely think you’ve done so well for me. Thank you. I hope you’re still exploring a bunch of new things - I think at this point I’ll never outgrow wanting to learn new things just for a little bit and then moving on to the next new thing. Tell me this is true, hahaha. I smiled when I read that. I think it’s still true, but I’ve found myself learning in a field where I like knowing more and more about it. Oh yeah, what are you working as? You’d never have guessed it (or maybe you did think about it but didn’t write it), I’m still a student! Which is crazy. If you’re writing a reply to this and you’re not happy about your job, take it as a sign that you should move on to somewhere else (call me a psychic, why don’t you). I mean, I only do things like scroll on this blog when I’m stressed/overwhelmed, so that’s not that hard of a guess. Yeah I think I’m pretty witty. And cringe, but I’m not too bothered about being cringe. I mean I’m still writing and replying to letters to my past and present selves. Gotta be at least a little bit cringe to do that.
Oh yeah, WHERE are you? I don’t know how I missed out this question, but are you even still in Singapore? I’m in Australia!!! In Sydney. Studying veterinary medicine! Well I guess it doesn’t fully matter. Wherever you are, I hope you remain your own person, and embrace all the things that make us ourself. I also hope you know your worth, and don’t accept anything less. It’s hard to quantify my own worth. But I’ll continue to work on it.
Regards,
Me (New Now)
Note to self in the future: I just spent maybe 10 minutes re-editing this post. I tried initially using my phone to post it, but oh my god it is a formatting nightmare. I don't know why blogger became so mobile-unfriendly - I remember typing on here with my phone back in the day. Oh well. Now my back hurts from perching on the back on the sofa (it's my last month in this studio apartment on Gilpin St). Gonna go to bed now it's almost 2am.