When I was a kid, for my grandma’s birthday, my extended family called for catering services for dinner. They had the best cauliflower cheese I’ve ever had, and I’ve since been looking for cauliflower cheese that can match up to my memory of that dish. I regret not having more of it that day.
Would I have regretted not doing enough?
19 April 2023
Dearest.
You're the love of my life.
I should have already known this, but it's true that some things we don't know we have until it's gone.
I don't want to be pretty or cute or anything you loved me for anymore. It doesn't mean anything now.
You gave me so much of my self-confidence with your compliments and praise. Now I don't even want to look in the mirror.
Today, I called you as I walked home from school. I mean I didn't actually call, I just opened up voice recorder and recorded myself talking to you as if you were on the other side of the phone. I'm so fucking sad.
I didn't go to choir prac today. Maybe I only went for you. I have lost all interest in going.
What is wrong with me? I don't know how to appreciate your love. And I don't know how to function without it.
I don't want to fall out of love with you. I don't want to get over you.
I think I'll have to learn how to live with the pain.