hey y'all :) just an update on my life thus far
I'm writing this blog post because post-anime feels (ansatsu kyoushitsu - it's an amazing watch, great storyline, great character development, great plot reveal. a must watch please go watch it)
and so I decided that today I would like to leave a little mark on the internet through this blog of mine, up and running for so many years now. I feel... comforted, knowing that I can go back to look at my various childhood musings. and I think I've said this before, but I really hope blogger never decides to suddenly shut down (I already hate windows live messenger because they did that). knowing that I can look back on what I've done and where I've been - that's also the reason why I keep a super accurate calendar of events on jorte hehe.
I'll be talking about 3 main things today: goodbyes, an update on my life in jc, and reflections
so starting with goodbyes. mild spoiler alert, ansatsu kyoushitsu has a real lengthy goodbye scene... and it got me thinking. I messaged my group of friends, asking them: "so like I can't even stand to watch fake ppl say goodbye right // how am I gonna say goodbye to my parents when they die???"
they kinda didn't reply (it's late - past 12 - and there's "school" tomorrow)
it's much easier to leave people behind than being left behind I guess.
that mindset made me the kind of person I am now, subconsciously shielding myself from others and just putting up a wall of some sort between myself and everyone else. because I don't like goodbyes. I've always always ALWAYS hated saying goodbye. the various major goodbyes in my life: from primary school, from secondary school... all sucked. even the little goodbyes, going home from school and such - that's why I was willing to take a roundabout way home just so that the goodbye could be delayed. but I've quite outgrown that (or maybe it's the wall working?).
am I needy? clingy? is that what it is? what a depressingass post. (ps. my humour defence mechanism kicking in)
so like I said, I subconsciously keep people from myself. but what about my family? my parents and brother, who are going to die before I do (if I die of old age). usually I'd be selfish and want to be the one leaving, but for them, I imagine the pain would be far greater if they had to send me off early. so I'd be the one left behind for them... but how can I say goodbye?
the rational answer: treasure the moments spent together, even if they're not here physically, they'll always be there in your heart. yup, heard those kinda things before. though they offer comfort, I'm sure things will definitely change once the people you love are gone. though change is the only constant, I still don't like change.
okay that's it for goodbyes, moving on, life in jc.
promos passed by quite successfully, I got ABCDE (gp omg fml) but I'm quite happy with that. it was an improvement from MYE after all. I signed up for math R paper though (still can't believe my math sucks more than my econs)
I'm medsoc secretary and it's really quite fun working with the exco haha
okay FML my parents are getting on my case coz it's late and I stole the internet lolol errr I'LL TYPE FASTER
in choir we got HK trip coming up, and I'm quite excited for it. hoping to build lasting friendships through the trip :)) and TVC is great too, we just performed dick lee's song with the singapore chinese orchestra. the people there are really great (in tvc not in sco lolol tho I'm sure they are nice ppl too)
I'm now arts and culture secretary in AVCC YEC. valence and I are going to do the Book of Records thingy on sunday!!! excited but scared we can't pull it off too hahaha but we're last minute pros so yeahhs :D
OH and SOMETHING REAL IMPORTANT. PW!! OP is on tuesday so I'm praying to do well! need more prep though. I'm glad my pw mates and I don't have to end it on a sour note, even though we aren't particularly sweet either hehe. I'd describe us as bbq flavoured.
I'm also GM for the upcoming JCO! hahaha I really do want to make my juniors feel welcome in VJC just like I was (even though I took quite some time adjusting to the school and the people here). honestly I became a GM because I had no confidence in being an OGL, but I don't regret my decision! GM suits my personality way better I feel ;)
also I went for HHN! worth the $55 and all my fretting because I got home super late. great company and great fun!!!
annnnndddd FINALLY I'M GOING TO SEE YUNHUI DANCE!!!! OMG AFTER SO MANY YEARSSSSS it'll be on friday!
bio olympiad on saturday!!! (SO MANY THINGS upcoming omg and I still watching anime ahahha I suck)
okay finally my last topic, REFLECTIONS.
reflections are things that we do after doing other things right? (reading back now a few minutes later, I'm laughing at how little sense that makes) and I'm beginning to feel the importance of writing out proper reflections after doing significant things, such as JCO planning and stuff. and after cambodia gcp, I learnt that real reflections aren't just what happened and stuff, but really much more of what I learnt, how I learnt it, how it will impact my actions in the future, critical and insightful things that I gain from living my life. and that's really important to learn and grow as an individual (and also for admission/job interviews). I'm really not super good at reflecting and maybe that's limiting my growth as a person. I find it difficult to put intangible feelings and thoughts into words. in the words of my biology teacher, I'm terrible at expressing myself.
so maybe... I should start writing things that matter. writing down, in my blog, my learnings in words, anything I feel that impacted me, what I feel will help me grow. even if it's through a mistake I made (which I tend to dismiss because I'm a proud mfker and dislike talking about my weaknesses). maybe that will help me think clearer and be a better person.
I've also only just realised the importance of developing myself. so I'm going to make the effort to stretch myself.
aights it's late, I've got a meeting with programme ogls and fellow gamemaster tmr, as well as practice op. ja ne.
(it's important that I use words and phrases I'd still understand years into the future. otherwise I wouldn't make sense to myself haha, and that would be wasted memories.)
(I also think I should continue learning japanese. even though I can't even handle chinese ahahaha what a loser banana)